I've decided that my thoughts about the incident are like a cloud. They say that our emotions come and go like clouds in the sky. The incident is its own dark blue cloud with black writing. Among my happiness clouds and nostalgia clouds and even the "oh that wasn't pleasant" clouds, this one floats. I could be walking along a boardwalk watching the ocean and I think of it. I could be mid-conversation with my husband and there it is. I jump up in the middle of the night, startled and out of breath. I don't remember what I dreamt but I know it was a dark cloud dream.
To make peace with it being among the clouds about the other parts of my life - how do I do that? How do I kind of shrug and say, "Okay so there you are - that's okay." I want to obliterate it. I want to ensure that it doesn't touch any of the others and taint them. I want it to stop going by when I am otherwise relaxed and having a decent time.
I know I have to stop this fighting it and wishing it away. It's here to stay. It is a part of me. Sigh....
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